You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
