I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
