i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
