areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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