I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
