Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
