so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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