So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
