There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
