i jhust puked up my retainher.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
