i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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