there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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