in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
