you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
