Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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