I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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