all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
