If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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