Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
