did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
