Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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