Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
