I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Someone came in the potted fern
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
