Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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