This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
