so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
