She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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