I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
