Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
