just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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