i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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