If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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