her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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