Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
