i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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