Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
