I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
