everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
