went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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