and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
