i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we're so committed to being not committed
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