super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
