I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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