if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just pee around me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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