So drunk its hurt
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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