He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
