therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
