Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
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