he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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