So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Houston, we have a squirter
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
