i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
